Forgive me for an unimaginative tag line, but really, this book can even make a chronic insomniac fall into a deep, 10 year nap!
As a woman intentionally stepping away from the rat race to focus on my personal life, I was very interested in reading this book as its concept was intriguing - a detailed study into the lives of women who have quit their jobs to look after their kids and contrasting the current generation of women with the feminists of the 60s and the 70s.
This subject carries so much potential, but the author sadly builds a one dimensional tale around four uninspiring protagonists. The women are perennially unhappy, they do not know what to say when people ask them the dreaded "what do you do?" question (why not just let people know that they are stay-at-home-moms? what is wrong with that?). They take little interest in managing their family's finances, or building a happy home for their children. They wage a constant mental war against working women.
Books like these perform a serious injustice against women - promoting the age old cliches about working women and home makers. Is it really that complicated? As a working woman, I look at my non-working friends and cousins and envy them for the following -
* They get to see the sun rise and set (instead of going into an office at dawn and re-emerging 12 hours later after sun set)
* They spend their day loving and nurturing children
* They are always there for family and friends
* They do not need to face nasty egoistic people, and engage in thankless tasks
My non-working friends look at me and envy me for the following -
* My freedom (what freedom? I ask....anyway, that's what they think)
* My ability to just pack a couple of bags and travel around the world with K (we can never get the time off from work to do it)
* My ability to make money (but is it not the law of the world that as your paychecks increase, your expenses also increase?)
So bottom line, there is no perfect scenario - there are good and not so good things with choosing either path. The author Meg Wolitzer could have at least attempted to explore both sides of the equation. However, she chooses to fill 368 tedious pages with elaborate character sketches, not just of the four women, but their moms, and then, for some inexplicable reason, Margaret Thatcher. A basic plot and some heartfelt empathy are both conspicuous by their absence. Geez, I could have just taken a nap.
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2 comments:
I actually feel that I am a lucky woman who doesn't HAVE to take up a job and get to be with my kids, pursue my hobbies and dreams.
I worked as a programmer till my first kid was 5 and then when I had my second child, I decided that the paycheck was just not worth it. I was missing out on my kids childhood. I have been stay-at-home mom for 5 yrs now and have enjoyed every second of my life.
Its sad that our society ( especially, Indians) still haven't understood the importance and value of homemakers. Homemakers are the ones who volunteer at schools, libraries, etc. They are active in school PTA and are involved in building kids future.
I remember at times I used to go to office and cry quietly in my cubicle. I used to think that the company doesn't need me a much as my kids need me. I used to feel miserable and guilty leaving my crying daughter at the daycare. And then in the evening my daycare lady used to tell me my daughter's amazing singing and dancing that I missed :( That's when I realized that I was missing so much in life and no money in the world was going to get that back for me.
I can understand that some women have to earn money to support their families. Ask those Moms and you will understand how stressful it is. Next time you visit India (Bombay), just go to the train station in the evening. First wave of people that you will witness will be all women running home. These are mainly mothers who have left their kids early in the morning and are eager to see their babies.
Women who are yet-to-be moms, why not use your valuable time to do something creative, something to help others, volunteer in Lib, start a business, write a blog.....
There is so much to do in life. Just getting a paycheck does not mean you had a successful life, right?
Totally agree with you Anjali - there are millions of women who have derive great fulfillment from caring for their families. Unfortunately, this book does not talk about even one such woman. It is about three dissatisfied ladies, and one stepford wife. I felt disappointed that the author wasted such a good opportunity to write an insightful book
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